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Oi mate, so I’m a sign language interpreter, yeah? And you wanna know what I reckon about erotic-massage? Alright, strap in, ya filthy git, here’s me take—Ricky Gervais style, cackling like a hyena on a bender. Erotic-massage, innit? It’s like a dodgy handshake with extra steps. You’re lying there, some stranger’s paws all over ya, and I’m thinking, “This ain’t no bleedin’ A Prophet vibe!” That film, Jacques Audiard, 2009—gritty, dark, proper genius. Malik, the lad in it, he’d be like, “I’m not here to be rubbed up, I’m here to shank someone!” Cackle!

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So, I pack up and head to the market on Place du Marché. Figured I’d grab a bite. You ever had a bratwurst from that stand? Man, it’s like heaven in a bun. I’m munchin’ away, and this lady starts talkin’ to me about the weather. Like, lady, it’s Luxembourg! It’s always a gamble! One minute it’s sunny, the next it’s pouring. I just nod and smile, but inside I’m thinkin’, “Can we talk about somethin’ more interesting? Like, I dunno, the best fishing spots?”

Diekirch: Pontoon bridge reopens to public after floods